This week, our team of experts focus on ways to maximise your new-found energy to look and feel fabulous - whatever your age. In your thirties, you have to master the balance of family, work and social life - and the best way to do this is by always keeping the lines of communications open, says Max Tomlinson
Your thirties are a great time. For many, this is the age when your career is really taking off, and when a life partner is found. It is the age, if you like, of the smug marrieds. Interrupted sleep, early mornings and quick nappy changes are the order of the day. Your minimalist house has become a maximalist dumping ground for partly chewed toys.
Life is now about fitting things in and being an effective time-and-motion manager, both at home and at work. Your own effectiveness and efficiency are a great place to start. Use your renewed energy, brought on by your adherence to last week's advice, to overhaul how you spend your time.
Aim to be a complete member of your family and to be fully committed in your relationships with your partner and work. Don't opt out. Unless you strive to balance work, family and leisure, you will miss out on a very important time in your life.
The idea now is to build on what you have learned in your twenties and, most importantly of all, to keep all your communication channels open. To discover areas where you feel you might need to make changes, take a look at the 10 questions for 30-somethings.
10 QUESTIONS FOR 30-SOMETHINGS
Do you manage to complete all or most of your tasks by the end of each day?
Do you have all the tools you need to run your life, such as an effective diary?
Do you delegate effectively?
Do you give time to people who don't deserve your time?
Do you manage your home or office computer efficiently - delete e-mails once they are dealt with, for example?
Do you put off handling things that could and should be dealt with now?
Do you say yes to additional work, knowing that you do not have sufficient time to complete the task?
Do you bump family time to accommodate your growing workload?
Do you have a cut-off point each day when your time becomes yours?
Do you need help looking after the children so that you can spend more quality time with them?
These questions seem simple and yet they are an accurate reflection of what can potentially go wrong in the average day. Effective time management frees up mental and emotional space, allowing you to act more effectively and efficiently.
Set about getting the basics right: time for work; time for family/social activities; time for you.
FOUND THE RIGHT PARTNER?
Excellent. But how do you keep the feeling alive and work at creating a dynamic, growing relationship.
Many of us fail to keep talking, to keep asking questions and to keep our partnership fresh and loving. The divorce rate reflects the death of romantic love after a short honeymoon period. Romantic love is delicious - all sweaty palms and heart palpitations, and long nights of passion, wine and talking. Two become one for a time and life is bliss.
This state cannot last. Experience shows us clearly that the world creeps slowly back into our love-bubble and we start to lead separate lives again. We need to work to replace romantic love with friendship and a slow-burning passion that permeates all aspects of our dealings with our partner.
This is based on communication, staying interested in your partner and your partnership. The developing friendship does not mean the end of wonderful passion and sex, but it does mean understanding that a lasting relationship is so much more than physical attraction.
When children arrive, the pressures on the two of you are exponentially greater. Your time and attention become diverted away from the love of your life. This spells trouble if you have not established clear ground rules. Drifting apart is the easy option. Working hard to keep your love alive is just that - hard work at times.
Questions to share with your partner
Use these as a way of focusing on your love and your future.
· Do I show you that I love you?
· Do you love me?
· Do you like me as a person?
· Do we have fun together?
· Do you feel appreciated by me?
· Is there anything that you want to tell me about you?
· Has being with me changed anything in you for the better/worse?
· Do we both understand our finances?
· Have I changed since we got together?
· If I have, is this OK with you?
Take the time to listen to each other's answers. Listening can be more important than speaking at times. Learning to listen is a must for your thirties. The twenties tend to be "me" focused, but in your thirties, you will need to be a practised and receptive listener.
There are some basic concepts to consider when listening in important situations.
Step one is to receive the message, which means you need to stop talking. Step two is to understand or comprehend the message. Step three is to make sure that you got the message right and to absorb it. All that needs to happen before you reply. Your mood, your thoughts and your perceptions can all cloud your understanding of the message.
Is this starting to sound difficult? Well, it is difficult, which is why so few of us are effective listeners.
You also have to keep in mind that a lot is not being said. To get at the deeper, underlying meaning of a message, you need to listen attentively and gently. Your partner is hopefully precious to you and deserves your undivided attention. Ask the questions and then wait for the answers.
SMART GOALS
The goals you set in your twenties need revisiting if they are going to carry you through to the next decade. The time has come to tailor your general goal into a smart goal. If you have not done this exercise before, take some time to think of a general goal. Make it realistic and something you really want to achieve.
A general goal might be: "Get fit." This is very general, with no real substance, bite or commitment. A smart goal would say: "I will join a gym tomorrow and work out for an hour, three days a week to get fit."
Here are some specifics that can help direct your goal.
Who: This is all about you. "I will join a gym."
What: What will I accomplish? "I want to get fit."
Where: Identify the location. "The gym up the road."
When: The start time, or time frames for bigger goals. "Tomorrow, I join the gym."
How: What will help me and what will hold me back? Help: "The gym is close." Hinder: "Three days a week might be difficult."
Why: The reasons, purposes and benefits of achieving the goal. "I want to get fit. I will be more energised if I am fit.'
This is a great system because it makes your goal more personal. Nothing deflates an already tired mind than a vague, unattainable goal. I have heard it said that goals are like wishes unless a healthy dose of will is added.
MICHAEL GARRY'S DAILY EXERCISE PLAN
Thirties fitness
As you enter your thirties, you will probably be drinking and smoking as much as you were in your twenties, in addition to eating the same rich foods. But slowly, you may notice that you don't enjoy them as much as you used to. This makes the thirties a great time to change any bad habits. It is the decade in which you can help prevent ageing through exercise. But remember that your body is not as able to cope with the exercise you may have done in your twenties. Taking part in high-impact, high-intensity sports such as rugby may cause injury. Start slowly and listen to your body. As I said last week, exercise is for the rest of your life.
I advise doing a cardiovascular workout three times a week for between 25 and 30 minutes, which is actually more than I recommend people in their twenties do. But the difference is that you shouldn't carry out exercise at such a high intensity. Instead, work at about 70 per cent of your heart rate. But try to check your resting heart rate every morning. If you have been overtraining, or you are not up to exercise that day, it will be six to eight beats higher than normal. If so, allow yourself a day's rest.
Do strength training to increase key core stability and protect yourself from injury. Work each muscle group with squats, lunges, calf raises, press-ups, back extensions, bicep curls, shoulder presses and crunches. Do eight to 20 repetitions of each of these exercises three times a week. As you feel stronger, increase this to two sets of eight to 20 repetitions.
At this stage of life, women may be thinking about pregnancy, and there are exercises that you can do to help if you are pregnant or planning to get pregnant. Doing pelvic floor exercises for five minutes in the morning and the evening will help give you strength for birth.
If you are pregnant, you can still exercise, but take it easy. Strength training on your lower back and abs will help to reduce the stress of pregnancy for both mother and baby. Squats with your fitness ball will keep you strong throughout. When it comes to cardiovascular exercise, stick to mild activity such as swimming and walking, and do it for no more than 20 minutes five times a week. Make sure that you don't overheat, drink plenty of fluids and monitor your heart rate.
Once you have given birth, don't rush to get your figure back. Your body has spent nine months changing, so it is unreasonable to expect to get it back to how it was before that within a month. You will need about six weeks to recover from pregnancy and then you should only start exercise after consulting your doctor.
Tip How to work out your heart rate for cardiovascular training: 220 - your age x 0.7 = heart rate you should have when exercising
YOUR COMPLETE SIX-WEEK EXERCISE PLAN
Weeks one to three
Moderate walking three times a week for 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how fit you are feeling. Always remember to take rest days in between walks.
Twice a week on rest days, implement your strength training programme. On each rest day, mix upper and lower body exercises by doing the following:
Upper body
· Press-ups
· Back extensions
· Bicep curls
· Shoulder presses and crunches
Lower body
· Calf raises
· Lunges and squats
Do eight to 10 repetitions of each, rising to two sets of eight to 10 if you feel stronger in the third week.
Weeks four to six
It’s time to get running, gently upping your levels as follows:
Week four: Run for intervals of two to three minutes every five minutes for up to half an hour, depending on how fit you are.
Week five: Run for intervals of five to 10 minutes, every five minutes, for half an hour.
Week six: Congratulations, you should be hitting your first mile as you increase to running for intervals of 10 minutes (a mile should take you between 10 and 12 minutes). You should be feeling healthier, fitter, stronger, and in another six weeks you could be running your first 5km race.
